


Sinking in the Shallow End

by geritapancake



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, But I'm lazy, Character Death, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Feli Isn't An Oblivious Idiot, Feliciano Cross Dresses In This?, Hurt No Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, I Want To Rewrite This, Idk Clothes Aren't Assigned Genders But Okay, Kiku Is a Bit Sassy, M/M, Mentions of Feliciano Having Depression, Mentions of a Suicide Attempt, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Platonic GerItaPan??, Romano Isn't a Jerk to Italy, Slice of Life, Slight Cussing Because Romano, Slow Burn, Some Fluff, The Axis Trio Is Strong In This One, again... most of the time, eventual angst, most of the time...., oh well
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-22
Updated: 2018-11-18
Packaged: 2019-04-23 23:20:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 15,522
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14343087
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/geritapancake/pseuds/geritapancake
Summary: "Feliciano had so many thoughts, and he was drowning in them. He needed someone to pull him out, but first, he needed to realize that he was still only in the shallow end. It wasn’t that he was in deep water, or that he couldn’t swim. It was his own fears and worries that made him forget he could still touch the bottom. All he needed to do was stand up."[ on hold , but i plan on updating this so don't worry ][TW: mentions of a suicide attempt, mentions of depression, death, and more](previously Sand Slipping Between My Fingers)





	1. teaser!!!

**Author's Note:**

> I started out writing this as gerita fic, but this has slowly worked its way into just being about the axis trio? 
> 
> It does have subtle GerIta and ItaPan though, and if you like GerItaPan or the Axis Trio, in general, you'll probably like this.

 

**PROLOGUE**

  
  


Dear Diary,

 

They always say that you don’t know what you have until it’s gone. I know that for a fact now. Gabriel slipped in and out of my grasp within what seemed like a matter of seconds. It was like I was watching all the sand pour out between the gaps of my fingers. I now wish, more than anything in the world, that he could be back at my side. I do know that that will never happen though, at least not anymore. I watched the boy all but fade away in that toxic white prison.  _ Systemic Lupus Erythematosus.  _ He lost a war to his own body. Slipped into a coma after a while. I don’t think he could take it anymore, so he just ran away from it all.

I still remember all of it, seeing him in so much pain. I remember how he would reassure me, say he was alright, that he would never leave me. I remember all of his dinky little promises that even  _ he _ knew he couldn’t keep.  _ “You and I, Feli. I promise.”  _ and “ _ Don’t you worry, I’d never leave you. I promise!” _ . Always with the promises and the forevers, that’s all he seemed to be able to spit out. 

Even though it was years ago, it still felt like it all happened yesterday. After that day all the other days started to blur together. I didn’t want to remember. I  _ don’t  _ want to remember. 

Till next time,

Feliciano.

 

_ “I don’t think he’ll ever wake up.” Feliciano heard the doctor say, muttering staged apologies as if he read from a script. He said the same spiel over and over again, so what made  _ this _ time any different. He heard Elizabeta sob.  _

_ “What are you suggesting?” Roderich asked as if the doctor was mad.  _

_ “I know this may be hard for you…” The doctor trailed off, trying to piece together the rest of his sentence as if it was a puzzle. “I think you should consider taking him off life support.” The doctor finished. Elizabeta covered her mouth to hold her sobs.  _

_ “You can’t!” Feliciano jumped into the room from behind the doorway. “I won’t let you!” He screamed, spreading his arms out to try to protect Gabriel from those monsters. Elizabeta kneeled down and scooped Feliciano up. She tried to contain her tears as she carried Feliciano out of the room. He kicked his legs and screamed. “Wait! Wait, please!” He begged, banging his fists on her head and shoulders. “I have to say goodbye!” He screamed, squeezing his eyes shut. She stopped dead in her tracks and slumped down to her knees. She released him from her grasp, and he dashed wildly to the slightly older boy that lie tucked in the small sterile bed. He scrambled his way up the side of the bed, sitting right next to the boy. He shook him gently. “Gabriel…” He pleaded. “A-at least say goodbye.” Shimmery tears slipped from his eyes leaving tracks on his face. “I’ll still wait for you,” He mumbled. “you know that? I’ll wait forever and ever! Just like we promised! You and I, Gabriel. Forever” He said quietly, encasing the boy in a tight yet gentle hug. _

_ “I’ll see you soon.” He heard a faint whisper.  _

_ “Gabriel?!” He shouted, not knowing whether he was just making things up. Suddenly Roderich picked him up, towing him out of the room. “Gabriel? Gabriel!” He screamed, wildly confused. “No, wait! He said something?!” _

_ Roderich shushed him, saying it was just his imagination. The door was closing. _

_ “I'll still wait for you!” He yelled once more, and the door closed.  _

 

_ And it was true, he’d wait forever. At least he thought he would.  _


	2. nice to meet you!

 

Feliciano couldn’t contain his tears anymore. Sat slumped on his knees, eight years later. The anniversary of the day his life crumpled up into a fine powdery dust. His therapist said that writing stuff like this down would help, when all the feelings made it seem like he was going to explode at any moment. He wasn’t sure if this hurt more than it helped. He always broke down, and that made him feel useless. Lovino constantly checked up on him. He was getting better though, he only had really bad break downs five or six times a year. Today was one of those days he broke down,  _ really bad _ . Today, especially, was the one day out of the year where he seemed to finally shatter. He couldn’t contain his emotions as he replayed that day over and over again. Had it really been eight years? He screamed in agony, clutching his stomach. Balling up his fists and sobbing to his heart's content. At least for today he could do that, right? The world owed him one day out of the year to just utterly break, right? Even if the world didn’t owe him, he didn’t care. He would take it, just like the world took Gabriel right out of his hands.  

A mess. That’s what he was. That’s what the world was. He knew it would somehow get better though. He always managed to smile through it all. He promised himself that if there was anything the world couldn’t take from him, it was his smile. If he could just smile and make everyone else’s problems better. If he could just stay strong, maybe he could lift some of the burden off of the others shoulders. He didn’t care if he got the credit, he didn’t care if they  _ used  _ him. He just wanted everyone to be happy. He just didn’t want anyone to end up with their heart in tatters like his was. If he could just get through this one day, he knew it would be okay. He hoped it would be okay. 

The door violently swung open. 

“Feliciano!” He heard his brother call. 

“Up here.” He managed to squeak out. The door to his bedroom creaked open. Lovino plunged into his arms. 

“I’m sorry I’m late. I didn’t mean to leave you hanging.” Lovino whispered, cradling his brother in his arms.

“I-it’s fine.” He stuttered, trying his best not to hiccup. They stayed like that for a few hours, just like they did everytime that year, eventually falling asleep. 

 

-

 

Lovino and Feliciano woke up the next morning, and acted like nothing ever happened. They never talk about that day. They rarely even mentioned Gabriel. Feliciano tried his best not to think of the boy, but his mind always wandered to him some way or another. The voices in his head always mocked him, murmuring little remarks about the golden haired boy. Even so, Feliciano treated it like any other ordinary day. The two worked around in the kitchen making pasta, and singing tunes together. It was their morning routine. They sat down and slurped up their pasta, and then they both headed out. 

Feliciano was a volunteer at a nearby pet shelter. He helped clean the animals and their cages, and he usually talked to the people that came in about adopting the animals. Feliciano heard that they were getting a new volunteer. He was super excited, they really needed all the help that they could get. They tried to offer Feliciano money, he  _ had _ been volunteering there for a very long time and they decided it was high time to pay the lad. Alas Feliciano rejected the offer. The pet shelter really needed the money, and they didn’t need to blow it on Feliciano. 

Feliciano finally made it to the pet shelter. He signed in and immediately got to work. They still had around an hour before they opened up, so Feliciano decided to go see who this new person was. He walked up to one of his fellow volunteers, and one of his closest friends. “Ciao!” He said eagerly. “I hear we have a new volunteer.” He said, his eyes sparkling.

“The voices are telling you correctly.” Kiku said softly, and Feliciano fliched. He knew Kiku didn’t mean it like that though, even so Kiku sent an apologetic glance to Feliciano. He pointed over to a tall blonde haired man that’s back was facing them, as he was inspecting some of the animals. On notice that someone was talking about him he turned around. Their eyes met, and Feliciano’s breath caught in his throat. His eyes were a startling blue. An image of Gabriel flickered in his mind, and his chest swelled with sadness. He was starting to feel light headed, but he pushed through it. 

“C-ciao!” He stuttered, waving his hand at the other man.

“Are you okay? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.” The man said, his voice painted with a heavy german accent. 

“I’m fine. You just.” He stopped his sentence abruptly, trying to breath. “You look like someone I… I used to know.” He whispered, tears welling up in his eyes. At this point he needed to leave, urgently. He dashed out of the room, into the small bathroom. He was so stupid, he just made a fool out of himself! He can’t even keep himself together anymore. He heard Kiku knock on the door.

“Feliciano?” He asked gently, hoping to be let in to try and comfort the taller man. “Just a minute.” He said, trying to keep his voice level. Feliciano got up, turned the water on and splashed it onto his face. He took a deep breath in, drying the tears from his face, and walked out of the door with a luminescent smile on his face. 

“I’m fine!” He chirped, as if a moment ago he hadn’t ran to take shelter because of his own tears. Kiku shot a worried glance at the smiling man, but he pushed away any questions he had. He knew what yesterday was to the Italian man, and he didn’t want to press, so he just let him walk off. Feliciano walked over to the tall man with a outstretched his arm. “Feliciano Vargas, at your service. ~ ” He nearly sang. The man grabbed Feliciano’s hand and shook it. 

“Ludwig Beilschmidt.” He said, his voice much deeper than Feliciano’s high pitched voice. They let go of each others hands. 

“Sorry about that. You just look a lot like someone…” He didn’t want to continue his sentence, but he sucked in a deep breath of air. “Someone I used to know.” He finished, the words barely coming out as if they somehow got caught in his throat. But he put on a bright smile, and rushed to change the subject. “Why’d you want to volunteer at a pet shelter?” He asked Ludwig. Ludwig’s eyes brightened, even if it was just for a second. 

“Dogs.” He said nonchalantly.

Feliciano giggled quietly. “I really like cats, but dogs are amazing too.” He said stacking some dog food up. They just worked and talked, although it was more Feliciano babbling about whatever came to his mind. Ludwig didn’t seem to mind though. 

It was finally time to leave. The day had consisted of Feliciano rambling to Ludwig or Kiku. Neither of them seeed to particularly mind him though. Feliciano saw Ludwig beginning to leave so he called out to him. 

“Ludwig, Wait up!” He shouted, waving his arms. Ludwig turned around and gave a small smile.

“Ja?” Ludwig asked as Feliciano skipped over to him.

“What days are you going to be coming in?” He asked, curious as to how much he would be seeing the taller man. Ludwig seemed to not know the answer himself.

“I’m not actually sure.” He said shrugging his shoulders. Feliciano just nodded his head to this.

“Do you walk home?” Feliciano questioned, he wouldn’t mind walking with Ludwig. 

“Ja, why?” Ludwig wondered, and Feliciano’s eyes lit up.

“We could walk together, I live really close by!” He said excitedly, teetering back and forth on his heels. 

“That’d be nice.” The taller man said, a soft smile making its way to his face. Feliciano grinned widely, swinging the door open. He turned back, and yelled his goodbyes to Kiku. 

The pair had been walking for a few minutes, just chatting about whatever came to mind. In the end Ludwig insisted that they go to Feliciano’s house first. They were actually almost there, Feliciano hadn’t lied that he lived close to the shelter. 

“And that’s why I wa-” Feliciano cut himself off abruptly. He walked to a small patch of dandelions, the ones that you blow all the seeds off of and make a wish. He ripped them out of the ground violently, squeezing them in his fist. Ludwig was slightly taken aback. Feliciano turned towards Ludwig, offering him one, as if he hadn’t just snatched five dandelions out of the ground as if he was angry at them. Feliciano noticed the confused look Ludwig was sending his way as he relieved the shorter of a dandelion. 

“I pick every dandelion I see.” Feliciano explained nonchalantly, for a moment all the emotions ran out of him but they came back instantly. He blew all of the seeds off of the dandelion, his eyes squeezed shut. When he opened his eyes he noticed that Ludwig still had his intact. He nudged the taller man’s arm. “You’re supposed to close your eyes, and try to blow all the seeds off of it in one breath.” He explained. “Oh! And you need to make a wish!” He finished, waiting for Ludwig to do as he had said. 

“I know.” Ludwig said softly. 

“Then what’s the problem?” Feliciano asked, tilting his head to the side.

“You know that doesn’t work, right?” Ludwig said, he looked distant. Feliciano looked down at his shoes. 

“I know..” He shrugged. “It’s just a sort of tradition. Ever since I was a little kid I always picked every dandelion in sight.” He wanted to change the subject, but Ludwig jumped in. 

“Why?” He asked, and he immediately regretted asking when Feliciano squeezed his eyes shut. “When my friend was sick, a long time ago, I would always pick dandelions. I thought if I picked enough dandelions, if I wished enough… Maybe he’d be okay?” Feliciano clarified, pushing out a deep breath. “It always stuck with me, I guess. Old habits die hard” Feliciano prayed for the ground to swallow him whole. 

“Do you have any pets?” Ludwig asked, and Feliciano looked up, thankful for the change of subject. He shook his head, and the duo continued walking. 

“This is it!” Feliciano exclaimed, gesturing wildly at his and Lovino’s shared apartment.

“It looks cozy.” Ludwig complemented, and Feliciano nodded in agreement.

“That’s because it is!” He said grinning.

“I’ll see you tomorrow?” Ludwig inquired. Feliciano turned to face him. 

“You promise? ~ ” Feliciano asked, he liked spending time with the newly found blonde haired man. 

“I promise.” Ludwig nodded, smiling slightly. That was good enough for Feliciano. Ludwig started to turn, but Feliciano, being the overly affectionate person he is, slung his arms around Ludwig’s neck. He had to stand on his tippy toes, but he made it work. Ludwig tensed up for a moment, but melted into the embrace.

“Ciao. ~” Feliciano whispered. 

“Auf wiedersehen.” Ludwig retorted, the way he said it making chills go down Feliciano's back. They let go, and Feliciano skipped to his door. Feliciano turned back once more to wave goodbye to Ludwig, but when he turned Ludwig was already walking away. He shrugged it off and went inside his apartment. 

“I’m home!” He yelled, knowing Lovino wouldn’t be here yet. He just liked to think that someone was waiting for him to get home. He sat his keys down and made his way to the kitchen, ready to make a pizza for himself and Lovino. For some reason he felt the loneliest he had ever been in a while, even though he just made a new friend. He shrugged off the feeling, and got to work. He contently got the ingredients he needed, and hummed a tune softly. It was his go to song to hum, he wasn’t actually sure what it was called or where he learned it from. It was just some silly song about drawing circles. 

Feliciano grabbed the pizza out of the oven, and as if on cue Lovino walked through the door. 

“I’m home!” Lovino yelled, and Feliciano sat the pizza down safely. He skipped over to his brother. 

“Fratello!” He exclaimed, pulling the slightly shorter Italian into a hug. 

“Get off me, bastard!” Lovino shouted, though a small smile was plastered on his face. “How was your day, Feli?” Lovino asked, still worried about yesterday.

“I had a great day!” Feliciano chirped. “I met the new volunteer at the pet shelter, he was very nice.” Feliciano hummed, waltzing over to the almost forgotten pizza on the counter. 

“Really?” Lovino inquired. “What’s his name?” Feliciano cut the pizza and put a piece on both plates. 

“Ludwig.” Feliciano said, nodding to himself. Lovino paused for a moment.

“That name sounds familiar. His last name isn’t by chance Beilschmidt?” He asked, waiting for Feliciano’s response. Feliciano’s eyes lit up.

“Yeah, how’d you know?” He asked, bemused, looking as if he was a little kid being shown a magic trick. 

“I think he’s Gilbert’s younger brother. You know, Antonio and Francis’ friend Gilbert?” Feliciano just nodded, a grin spreading across his face. 

“Funny, turns out to be a small world after all.” Feliciano giggled. 


	3. running late

Feliciano woke up slightly earlier than usual. He was excited to see Ludwig again, after all he was his new friend. He was excited to see Kiku too, of course! He changed into a pale pink sweater, that was entirely too big for him, and some jeans. He made his way downstairs and started preparing for breakfast. It was out of the ordinary for Feliciano to wake up first, usually Lovino would have to basically drag him out of bed. So when Lovino walked downstairs to see Feliciano already up and almost done with breakfast he naturally wondered what was wrong. 

“Feli?” Lovino asked, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes and walking up to stand next to his brother. “Why are you up so early?” Lovino quizzed, starting to worry. 

Feliciano just hummed out a happy little “I don’t know”, and shrugged his shoulders. Lovino just sighed, figuring Feliciano really didn’t know why he had woken up so early. Feliciano started to sing a song and Lovino soon chimed in. 

“Bye, fratello!” Feliciano hollered as he walked out of their apartment. He walked happily to the pet shelter, on the way picking up a few dandelions and proceeding to blow all the seeds off of them. He hummed tunes under his breath, he couldn’t wait to see Kiku and Ludwig. The pet shelter came into his sight and he skipped the rest of the way there. He opened the door and the silly little bell chimed happily. He saw Kiku and Ludwig chatting as they stacked and sorted through items.

“Ciao!” Feliciano purred, waving his arm in the air frantically. Kiku chuckled lightly.

“Hello, Feli.” Kiku said, his voice soft and a small smile spread on his face. Ludwig waved back. The two seemed content, and as Feliciano sauntered over to stand by them a tranquil silence wafted over them. It was not long lived as Feliciano started chittering and aweing about how cute the dogs were. Ludwig did not take long to join him in this and Kiku was soon kneeling over a patting one on the head. They still had an hour before people would be arriving and it seemed that they were the only ones in this area of the pet shelter, so the trio sat down and gushed over the dogs. In the end four out of the five dogs had magnated to Feliciano and they were all somehow laying on his lap. Feliciano just giggled and tried to pet each of them. The bell dinged signaling someone’s entrance and Feliciano relieved himself of the four dogs to get up and greet the newcomer. The dogs were moved to their corresponding kennels, and the trio got to work. 

It was finally time to close up the pet shelter and the three were just about to head out. 

“We should go somewhere soon.” Feliciano piped up, stopping before he opened the door. “Like the three of us. We should go get gelato!” His eyes lit up near the end of his sentence. Kiku and Ludwig just nodded in agreement, each stifling a laugh at the other man’s excitement to get ice cream. 

“We  _ should _ do that one day.” Kiku murmured. 

“How about next week sometime?” Ludwig suggested, pulling the door open.

“Yeah!” Feliciano exclaimed, turning his head towards Kiku, waiting for his response. 

“Sounds fine to me.” He said, the corners of his lips turning up slightly. Kiku parted ways with the other two men, leaving them to walk alone together. Feliciano skipped a little bit ahead of Ludwig, and spun around in a circle.

“Beautiful isn’t it!” He said as he twirled around, his arms in the air gesturing to the scenery around them.

“Yeah.” Ludwig breathed, seeming starstruck as the sun set around them. He caught up to Feliciano, and walked in time with him. They chatted and laughed and talked about random things. Until Ludwig stopped abruptly, and Feliciano nearly tripped over his feet trying to skid to a halt. 

“You oka-” He turned and stopped his sentence half way. Ludwig had a small dandelion in his hand, Feliciano must have missed it on his way to the pet shelter that morning. Ludwig pushed his hand forward, offering the small red-seeded plant to the other man. A sad smile crossed Feliciano’s face, but he tucked it away with a contagious grin. 

“Thanks, Luddy!” He exclaimed, giving the taller man a pet name. He plucked the dandelion from his hand, and closed his eyes. He took in a deep breath and blew all of the seeds away, and then proceeding to throw the stem to the ground. Feliciano smiled softly at Ludwig, and started walking again. 

They got to Feliciano’s apartment, Lovino sat on the steps looking angry. Feliciano smiled and waved running up to him, half way slowing down. The smile slipped from his face. 

“What’s wrong , Lovi?” Feliciano quizzed, a worried look making itself present on his face. 

“I lost my fucking keys!” He shouted, throwing his arms up in the air. He stood up abruptly, and nodded his head at Ludwig. 

“Is this Ludwig?” He asked, sending a murderous glare in Ludwig’s direction. Feliciano nodded heitantly.

“S-s ì .” He gulped, he always hated it when Lovino was angry. The agitated Italian just rolled his eyes. 

“Could you just hurry up and open the door.” He snapped. Feliciano unlocked the door and opened it, stepping to the side to let Lovino in. After Lovino went inside Feliciano sent a apologetic glance at Ludwig. “Hurry up, Feliciano!” Lovino shouted, causing Feliciano to jump slightly.

“I-I’ve got to go, sorry.” Feliciano sputtered out, and waved at Ludwig. He just waved back, a small smile painted on his face. At that note Feliciano spun around, making his way into the house. 

Feliciano and Lovino prepared supper in silence. Feliciano couldn’t stand the silence, so he broke it.

“H-how was your day?” He stuttered, waiting to be yelled at for asking such a stupid question. 

“Oh, I don’t know? How about, fucking terrible!” He yelled, but afterwards sighed heavily. “How was your day, Feliciano?” He asked, forcing his voice to soften. 

“My day was quite nice.” He said smiling lightly. “I’m sorry your day was such a mess.” He finished off. Lovino allowed a small sad smile to find itself on his face. 

“Stop that. There’s no reason for you to be sorry.” He said as soft as he could, he knew Feliciano would find some stupid reason to blame himself. Feliciano always did that, he always blamed himself, even if what had happened had no sort of connection to him. It was probably because of that stupid little boy, Gabriel. Lovino swallowed his anger. It was wrong for him to be mad at that boy, but he found himself wondering how Feliciano’s view on the world would be if he hadn’t met that boy. If that boy hadn’t been violently ripped out of his grasp. Right then and there he decided it wasn’t Gabriel he should be mad at. It was the world that he should be mad at. The world was to blame, life was to blame. He heaved a sigh, pushing himself back into reality. Feliciano stood in front of him, waving a hand in front of his face. He furrowed his eyebrows, as the distant look faded from Lovino’s eyes.

“You zoned out? Do you need to sit down?” Feliciano asked, concern etched on his face. Lovino sent a sad, yet tender smile to the slightly taller Italian. 

“I’m fine, fratello.” He eased, his anger somehow dissipating. He soon changed the subject, shooing Feliciano away from any thoughts of distress. They finished up their supper, singing and humming together. 

 

-

 

The next day came quickly, and as Feliciano swung his legs out of his bed, he realized that he was late. It was 10:39 am, and he had to be at work at 9! He shuffled into his closet, throwing on the first shirt and pants he saw. He ended up in a baggy light blue t-shirt, that had a white outline of a cat on it. He pulled on the light grey skinny jeans that had been hastily grabbed. He haphazardly slipped on some of his favorite cat socks. As he grabbed his shoes he froze.

“Fratello?!” He shouted desperately, praying his brother hadn’t left yet. After no one answered, he decided he had no time for worrying. He put his shoes on, and stuffed the laces in the side of his shoe.  He grabbed his house keys and teetered down the stairs. He flew out of the door, locking it behind him, and he ran all the way to the pet shelter. He tripped three times on the way there, but everytime he got up immediately. 

Feliciano barged through the door of the pet shelter, panting and doubling over. 

“I-I’m here!” He huffed out, trying to catch his breath. Kiku and Ludwig noticed him instantly. They rushed over to him. The glanced over him quickly, he had a few scrapes on his arms and hands. His hair was all over the place, and it looked like a bruise was starting to form right under his chin from falling multiple times. In general he looked like the opposite of okay. 

“What happened?” Kiku asked, startled by Feliciano’s beaten appearance. Feliciano stood up from his bent position, and wiped the sweat from his forehead. He inhaled sharply, and started his explanation, swiftly ignoring Kiku’s worries.

“I’m sorry I’m l-late! My alarm didn’t go off, and I tripped a few times on the way here. I couldn’t get my shoes tied, and I’m sor-” He babbled, but Kiku cut him short.

“Feliciano.” He said softly, stopping him before he started crying. “It’s fine, everyone’s late occasionally. Now sit down so we can make sure you didn’t hurt yourself too badly.” He said with a soothing tone. A tear trickled down Feliciano’s face, and Kiku quickly wiped it away. They all walked to the back, where there was a small office space. Feliciano sat down beside Ludwig, as Kiku went to grab something to clean up Feliciano’s scrapes. 

“C-could you tie my shoes for me?” Feliciano whispered to the blonde man that was stationed right next to him. 

“Of course.” Ludwig whispered back, scooting over slightly on the little bench like seat they were sitting on. He patted the space in between them, signaling for Feliciano to put his feet up on the bench. He did as told and propped his feet on the bench, filling the space between them. Ludwig worked quietly to tie his shoes, and was done with both shoes in less than a minute. Feliciano sat his feet back on the ground, and Ludwig scooted back over. Kiku arrived just after their little shoe tying session, with a small bottle of peroxide, a box of bandages, and some napkins in tow. He pulled up a chair and sat right in front of Feliciano. Kiku gently grabbed Feliciano’s arm, and inspected it. 

“This might hurt a little.” Kiku stated, waiting for Feliciano to tell him he was ready. Feliciano held his hand out to Ludwig. 

“Hold my hand?” He asked quietly. Ludwig nodded and intertwined fingers with the Italian, squeezing his hand gently. Kiku placed the napkin, that was soaked with peroxide, onto one of the many scrapes on Feliciano’s arms. Feliciano hissed lightly. They did this a few more time on both arms and hands, until Kiku made sure he cleaned every scrape he saw. A few needed bandaids, but most were okay to go without one. Kiku examined Feliciano’s chin. It was slowly growing a purplish greenish color, and Kiku excused himself to go grab Feliciano a bag of ice. It was roughly 11:30 when the Ludwig and Kiku deemed Feliciano properly doctored. Even so the two wouldn’t let him go back to work until 12:30, insisting that he should sit and ice his chin for a while. Everytime he would try to get up, one of the two scolded him and told him he needed to rest. Feliciano was grateful for having such caring friends. After all it was only a few scrapes and a bruised chin. He was amazed by how much they cared, especially Ludwig, since he  _ had _ only known him for a few days. He shook his head, a smile etched on his face. 

It quickly became 6:00, and the trio rushed to finish up their work. The three stood in front of the door. 

“I know we said we would hang out next week, but how about we go do something tomorrow?” Feliciano prompted. 

“I’d love to, but I have plans. I’ve got to babysit my brother and his friends.” Ludwig scoffed.

“Oh, okay. I understand.” Feliciano chirped, turning his head towards Kiku. 

“How about you, Keeks?~” He asked. 

“Tomorrow sounds fine.” He said, his cheeks slightly heating up, startled by the newly found pet name. Feliciano beamed, swinging a arm around Kiku. 

“I’m glad!” He said, laughing loudly. Kiku just stood there, a small smile stuck to his face. He had warmed up to Feliciano’s random hugs, and touches. 

“I’ll see you tomorrow, Feli.” Kiku said, giving him a short hug. 

“Ciao!” He all but screamed, as Kiku turned and headed out of the door. With Kiku out the door, Feliciano pushed his focus to Ludwig. He smiled and opened the door, holding it for Ludwig. 

“Danke.” He thanked, and walked out of the door. They made their way to Feliciano’s house. 

Feliciano’s house came into sight. It seemed like this was a reoccuring theme. Ludwig walking Feliciano home, and Feliciano being slightly disappointed when he saw his apartment. He really liked talking to Ludwig, and he wasn’t sure why but his chest tightened when he saw his apartment. He sighed, and Ludwig looked over at him. 

“Are you okay? Is your chin hurting?” Ludwig asked. 

“I’m fine.” Feliciano eased before Ludwig could start worrying even more. “I just enjoy talking to you, and I don’t like saying goodbye.” He said, and he thought for a moment. “Honestly I’m tired of saying goodbye, I don’t want it to be goodbye. Who even came up with that word; why create such a bittersweet word? How can it be good to leave someone?!” He cried out. He sighed as he realized he got carried away. He noticed that they had stopped walking completely, and they were now standing in front of the steps to Feliciano’s house. “S-sorry.” He apologized. “U-um goodbye.” He said hurriedly, and turned around quickly. Ludwig rushed forward and grabbed his wrist gently. Feliciano shot him a confused look. 

“I’ll see you later.” Ludwig corrected, and it all dawned on Feliciano. He grinned widely, and enveloped Ludwig in a hug. 

“I’ll see you later! I promise!” Feliciano exclaimed, slightly confusing himself when he got to the last part. Those words again,  _ that  _ word again. That word he despised, yet oh so loved.  _ “You and I forever, Feli. I promise!”  _ The words rang in his head. He realized that he was still clinging onto Ludwig, and let go immediately. 

“Are you sure you’re okay?” He asked, putting the back of his hand onto Feliciano’s forehead. “You look kind of pale, just like the first time you saw me.” Feliciano backed up and turned around. 

“I’m fine, really.” He said enthusiastically, but he couldn’t even convince himself. Ludwig decided to let whatever was bothering Feliciano slide, and let him do his own thing. 

Feliciano opened the door, and to his surprise, all the lights were off.

“Lovi?” He called out. 

“In here!” Lovino shouted from the living room. His voice was shaky, and Feliciano rushed to him quickly. 

“What’s wrong, Fratello?!” He exclaimed, Lovino was stationed on the couch a tub of gelato and a spoon accompanying him. 

“ _ He _ broke up with me.” He whimpered, tears streaking his face. Feliciano sat down next to him, and rubbed his back. 

“It’ll be okay, Lovi.” He soothed. Lovino wasn’t having any of that though, he glared daggers at his brother.

“No! It won’t be okay!” He snapped. “What do you know about being heartbroken anyway?!” He shouted, and he regretted the words as soon as they left his mouth. Feliciano stood up slowly, tears welling up in his eyes. 

“I’m gonna go. I’m sorry about your boyfriend breaking up with you, Lovi.” He said, turning on his heel. 

“W-wait! Feli, I’m sorry!” Lovino apologized, moving to grab Feliciano’s wrist. As soon as he got hold of it, Feliciano yanked it from his grasp. 

“You know, Lovino!” Feliciano started, an angry look forming on his face. In all honesty, Lovino had never seen Feliciano look angry. Feliciano just always put up with Lovino, and everyone else’s bullcrap. “Other people have feelings too! I know you’re upset, but could you try thinking about someone else for once! You aren’t the only one who’s been hurt! You aren’t the only one who’s lost someone! I’ve been there every time one of your girlfriends or boyfriends broke up with you! And to answer your question, hell yes I know about being heartbroken! I know a damn lot! A lot more than you especially!” He finished off with a sniff. Lovino just sat there shocked. He had never heard nor seen Feliciano angry, and he had certainly never heard him cuss. Before Lovino could even think about retaliating Feliciano stormed off. 


	4. the adventures of keeks and feli

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW in the beginning|| mentions of a suicide attempt
> 
> This is mostly ItaPan and I'm not sorry. Like I gave myself butterflies writing this?
> 
> Japan gets a little ooc but I love him being a bit sassy :)
> 
> https://youtu.be/xMgalQ4aNRU (This song goes really well with this chapter)

Feliciano woke up feeling awful. His head hurt, and he was feeling guilty about the events that had occured last night. He had never yelled at Lovino. He always kept quiet when Lovino yelled at him. This time his words seemed to send the wall Feliciano had been building, tumbling down. Still no matter how upset, no matter how much Lovino’s words hurt, it didn’t give him the right to yell at his brother. Lovino had put up with Feliciano for so long. He had been there every time Feliciano broke down, everytime Felciano couldn’t muster up a reason to get out of bed. He had been there through the darkest year of Feliciano’s life, the year where depression hit Feliciano like a ton of bricks.  _ That _ year he rarely got out of bed,  _ that _ year he cried himself to sleep, when he was lucky enough to get  _ any _ sleep.  _ That _ year where he decided he couldn’t take it anymore. 

That was his selfish year. He locked everyone out, and he stopped trying, he stopped living. He  _ tried _ to stop: to stop living, to stop breathing, to stop the pain, to stop  _ everything _ . Luckily it didn’t work. Luckily Lovino was there to cry, and slap him in the face, and call him an idiot. He was there with him in the hospital, he was there with him when he got out, and he was here with him now. Feliciano was grateful for Lovino, and he knew that he needed to apologise immediately. 

He looked at the clock, it read 7:34. He got up and took a quick shower, and changed into some clean clothes. He sported a loose white crop top that had “why is it only art if  you like it?” written on it, a faded red flannel covering his arms. He shaved his legs in the shower so he put on one of his favorite black skirts, and some dark red socks that reached just above his knees. He grabbed his knee high brown boots, and headed down stairs. He spotted Lovino and a bounty of images from last night hit Feliciano. He dropped his boots, notifying Lovino he was there. Lovino spun around.

“Fra-” Feliciano began, but Lovino stopped him by encasing him in a hug. “-tello?” He finished, not even able to apologise.

“I’m so sorry.” Lovino started, shaking his head. “I’m sorry about yelling at you last night. I went overboard, just like I always do. I-I’m sorry.” By the time Lovino finished, tears were streaming from his eyes. Feliciano just chuckled lightly. 

“That was supposed to be my line, silly.” He said, squeezing Lovino. The shorter man pushed out of the embrace, furrowing his eyebrows. He thumped Feliciano on the head. 

“Shut up and let me be the sorry one this time.” He said scornfully, but Feliciano knew that he meant it kindly. “I shouldn’t have said what I did last night. You had every right to say those things to me.” Lovino admitted, as he pulled the other Italian into another hug. Soon after they got started on breakfast, doing their usual humming and singing.

“Nice skirt, by the way.” Lovino commented. 

Feliciano skipped out of the house, the headache he had earlier that morning had vanished. He and Lovino wasted the morning away watching their favorite Disney movie, _ Beauty and the Beast,  _ and singing along with all of the songs. Feliciano giggled, thinking back to when Lovino tried to hit one of the high notes and his voice cracked. He was walking to the pet shelter at a slow speed, he had no need to rush. It  _ was  _ a beautiful day after all, so why not enjoy it.

He finally arrived at the pet shelter, he had been walking for around thirty minutes. It usually only took him fifteen minutes, ten if fast walked. That was okay though, he walked through the doors at around 8:50. He cut it close, but he wasn’t late. He scampered up to Kiku, and twirled around. “Well?” Feliciano prompted, shooting him a giant grin. “How do I look, Keeks?” He asked, feeling like he looked rather nice. A small smile spread across Kiku’s face. 

“You look very nice, per usual.” Kiku said, though in his head he was thinking more along the lines of: stunning, vibrant, staggeringly beautiful. He didn’t actually say those things out loud though, he kept them in his head.

“Thank you, Kiku!” Feliciano chirped, a light dust of blush on his cheeks.  _ Per usual _ , huh? That was cute. With that small note the day went on as it usually did, though it was a Thursday so Ludwig wouldn’t be coming in that day. The two chattered and stacked up miscellaneous things. They had fun playing with the cats when it was their lunch break, and they ate together of course. They usually went out to eat, but this time Kiku brought two bento boxes. Since Kiku and Feliciano had been friends for a long while, he knew exactly what Feliciano liked to eat when it came to bento. He also knew that in general Feliciano absolutely  _ adored _ bento. 

They completed everything they had to do and they were actually being let out early. It was only 5pm, and they usually got off at around 6. Feliciano opened the door, and held his arm out for Kiku. 

“Shall we.” He said, his smile brighter than the sun. Kiku interlocked arms with the taller man. 

“Wanna go to the park?” Feliciano asked, turning his head to the man beside him. “Ooo, wait! We could get gelato!” He exclaimed, he always loved gelato. 

“We can do both, Feli.” Kiku said, chuckling lightly. 

“Really!” Feliciano squealed, Kiku just nodded and smiled softly at the energetic Italian. They walked to Kiku’s car, and got in, to head to the park. The car ride wasn’t long, and it seemed even shorter because they were having so much fun. Feliciano had somehow managed to convince Kiku to sing along with him to a few songs. So that’s exactly what they did.  

They arrived at the park, and Feliciano was the first one to jump out of the car. He ran around to the drivers side of the car, and pulled Kiku’s door open before the Japanese man could even touch it. 

“Thank you, Feli.” He said, and interlocked arms with the Italian yet again. They walked and talked about whatever came to their minds. It was mainly Feliciano rambling about how cute cats are. They had been walking for what seemed like hours, just wasting the day away enjoying the others company. In reality it had probably only been one hour. They decided it was getting high time to turn back, that was if they wanted to get ice cream of course. On their way back, they heard a loud whistle.

“Looking good!” Was all that was heard before Feliciano felt someone slap him on the butt. He froze up, stopping abruptly. Kiku shot his hand out and grabbed the man’s wrist. This time it was the culprit’s turn to freeze up, it was obvious that no one had ever done anything in retaliation to his cat calling. 

“Excuse me, but did anyone ever teach you manners? I can certainly educate you about them.” He snarled, and let the man out of his grasp. The man stuck his hands up in the air, backing up. 

“Sorry man, geez.” He said, and he walked off as Kiku stared daggers at him. 

“Thanks, Keeks.” Feliciano said, still looking flustered. 

“No problem.” And they just kept walking as if nothing ever happened. 

“May I take your order?” Said the lady, from behind the ice cream parlors counter. The pair inspected the colorful array of ice creams that lie right in front of their dazzled eyes. 

“Strawberry banana, please!” Feliciano declared, eyes nearly sparkling by just looking at the tub. The lady sent a quizzical look to Kiku, waiting for him to order. 

“I’ll take the green tea, please.” Kiku stated, and then fished in his pockets for his wallet. Feliciano grabbed his hand. 

“Let me pay.” He said, his eyes twinkling. He patted his pockets, in search of his wallet. “I left my wallet at home?!” He exclaimed, and sent a sad glance to Kiku. “I guess you get to pay…” He pouted, crossing his arms. Kiku just smiled and got out his wallet. “This time, atleast.” Feliciano added on, mumbling under his breath. His seemingly always present smile returned to his face. 

“Alright, it’ll be right up!” The lady chirped, as she took Kiku’s money. They stationed themselves at a small table by a window. Seemingly instantly a man came out with their orders. 

“Strawberry banana?” The man asked, and Feliciano opened and closed his hand like a small child asking for a cookie. Kiku couldn’t help but chuckle. Feliciano grabbed a big spoonful of ice cream and stuffed it into his mouth. His eyes lit up immediately. 

“Yummy!” He beamed, and Kiku thought that his face surely must hurt from smiling so wide. Kiku took a spoonful of his ice cream as well. 

“Mine is also rather delicious.” He admitted, as he turned his head up to look at Feliciano. Feliciano had his cup held out in front of Kiku. 

“Try some!” He proclaimed, shaking the cup a little. Kiku grabbed a spoonful of Feliciano’s ice cream, and tried it. His eyes widened. 

“Dericious!” He exclaimed, ice cream still in his mouth, and his hand covering his mouth. He held out his cup for Feliciano. “You can try some of mine, if you want.” He prompted, and Feliciano took a scoop. After that they just bandied words, and shared ice cream, as Kiku admired Feliciano. The way his hair framed his face, and the sunbeams gave him an ethereal look. It seemed as if he could wear the ugliest clothes in the world and Feliciano would somehow still look breathtaking. Kiku was brought back to reality as Feliciano waved a hand in front of his face. He blinked a few times. “Sorry.” He apologized, as Feliciano gave him a concerned look. 

“Are you okay? Do you need to go to the doctor? I can drive if you want.” Feliciano started spitting off his worries.

“I’m fine, Feli.” Kiku eased, smiling softly. He really didn’t want Feliciano to drive, or he might  _ actually _ need to go to the doctor. “Just getting tired I guess.” He lied, and this seemed to work for Feliciano. 

“Well, if you get too tired and need me to drive just say the word” Feliciano said, grinning widely. They got up and walked out of the ice cream parlor. They  _ were _ just going to head home, but Feliciano got distracted by a  _ “cute little gift shop” _ and insisted that they went in for a minute or two. That of course meant they would be in there for _ at least _ thirty minutes. They looked around and tried on funny looking hats and sunglasses.They ended up getting a few pictures too. Kiku was right in his assumptions, Feliciano looked great in even the ugliest hats and sunglasses he tried on. Kiku tried on some hats as well, to which Feliciano clapped and complimented him for everyone he tried on. They ended up being kicked out, one of the workers saying they needed to buy something or get out. By the time they  _ did _ leave, it was nine thirty. This time they actually went home. 

As Kiku parked outside of Feliciano’s house, he turned the music down.

“I had a lot of fun.” He said, smiling over at Feliciano. 

“Me too! We should do this more often!” He exclaimed. 

“I’ll see you tomorrow, Feli.” Kiku said softly, as Feliciano unbuckled.

“Tomorrow it is then!” He beamed, and swung the car door open. “Ciao, Keeks!” He shouted from outside of the car,  waving his one of his arms wildly.

“Ciao, Feli.” He whispered, to himself. He was sure that if Feli could see him he’d say that he looked like a lovesick puppy. With that Kiku drove away. Feliciano turned around, and unlocked his door. 


	5. sinking in the shallow end

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW|| this gets kind of deep? but I also find this chapter kind of cringey so you've been warned  
> (also Feli gets a little ooc character ig. he actually enjoys running in this chap.)

_ “You really had the audacity to think that we would ever be friends with you?!” Kiku spat at the cowering Italian. “I mean really?! Look at yourself! You can’t even tie your own shoes!” Kiku cackled, bending down to meet Feliciano’s gaze. “This isn’t friendship, it’s pity.” He snarled, harshly wiping away the tears that trickled down Feliciano’s face. Ludwig just stood there with his arms crossed.  _ The scene shifted, colors blurring together.

_ “Lovino?” He said, desperation gripping his voice.  _

_ “What?! What do you want Feliciano?!” Lovino snapped, as he sat on the couch with a vaguely similar tub of ice cream.  _

_ “I-I just wanted to make sure you were feeling o-okay…” Feliciano defended, his voice trailing off near the end. Lovino just turned his head to stare up at Feliciano. “ _

_ I’d be better if you’d leave me alone.” He muttered crudely. “You’re fucking pathetic! I mean all you’re good at doing is weighing everyone else down! No wonder mom and dad left us, they were fucking tired of having to deal with you,” He screamed, and by this time he was standing up. He was somehow towering over Feliciano, even though he was of a much shorter stature. “Can you do anything right at all?!” He lifted his hand up and swung.  _

Feliciano’s eyes shot open, and he panted for air. He covered his mouth and tried to choke back his sobs. _ “Can you do anything right at all?!”  _ The words swam in his head as he traced his fingers over his cheek. He wasn’t sure of the answer to that.  _ Could  _ he do anything right at all?  _ “No wonder mom and dad left us, they were fucking tired of having to deal with you,” _ He let that stir. He really was just useless. He was annoying, and just a waste of space. He flipped over on his stomach and shoved his face into his pillow. For a moment he just stopped breathing, just stopped moving. He just felt his pulse radiate throughout his whole body, and for a dark instant he wished it would just stop. He knew he couldn’t have that though, so he sucked in a deep breath of air. He shook his head, maybe if he shook it hard enough the nightmare he had would vanish from his memory.

After a second of wistful thinking he turned his head to the clock.  _ 6:36.  _ He heaved a sigh. No way would he even  _ try  _ to go back to sleep after that. He swung his feet off the bed and dragged himself towards his closet. He snatched out a pair of jogging shorts, and a baggy shirt that was solid white except for the print in the middle that said “make pasta not war”. The tennis shoes he had for running were velcro. He felt kind of stupid wearing them, but he knew after a bit of running he wouldn’t have the energy to care. 

He threw away any negative thoughts, walked down the stairs, and proceeded headed outside. The air was crisp and the sun was just still in the process of rising. He raised his arms in the air and took a deep breath. After a minute of just standing there and taking in the sunrise, he took off at a slow jog. He was never the most athletic person, but there was no denying that he could run. His therapist recommended that he run when he was feeling bad, just the same way his therapist recommended that he write his feelings down in a journal. Unlike the latter, running actually helped him feel better. 

If he ran for so long his body started to burn, and to him, it was thrilling in a way. With every footfall he could feel his body shake. He gasped for air, and salty tears slipped down his face. It was like he was drowning on land. Sometimes that was the only feeling that could get him out of his slumps. He had more to worry about than the problems in his head. He had to gasp and breath and feel. It was such a  _ real _ feeling. The world was littered with so many  _ lies _ , but the feeling he got when he ran was the realest thing he’d ever felt. He didn’t have to think about running, it just happened. His body went into autopilot, and his mind shut off. That was something he craved. 

At some point he knew that he had to come back to reality, so he slowed to a pause. He checked his watch that was secured on his arm.  _ 7:13.  _ He turned around and started on his way back. He wanted to get back home before Lovino woke up, if at all possible. 

_ 7:48.  _ That was the time he clocked as he entered the quiet apartment. Sweat and tears mixed together. He slid his arm across his forehead. To his luck, Lovino was still fast asleep in his room. Feliciano silently said his thanks and headed into his room to find a more suitable change of clothes to get into after his shower. 

Feliciano was still feeling self-conscious and all in all terrible, but he tried to sweep away any negative thoughts. He wore a white shirt with the Italian flag printed in the middle, and one of his most comfortable pairs of skinny jeans. He also had a big jacket with him just in case he started feeling really bad. He was starting to feel somewhat better, the nightmare he had that morning slowly slipping away. He had his day making smile equipped, and he picked up his shoes. He walked slowly with his shoes in tow. He cracked the door to Lovino’s room open, but the room was vacant. He figured that while he was in the shower his brother woke up and headed downstairs. Though to his demise, his brother was not downstairs either. It was around eight thirty when Feliciano sat down. He tried every which way he could but he couldn’t seem to get his shoes tied.  _ “You can’t even tie your own shoes!”  _ He flinched at the words as they were screamed in his head. And Kiku was right, he  _ couldn’t _ . No matter how hard he tried he just  _ couldn’t _ .  

He directed his attention to the clock and his stomach dropped.  _ Nine-fifteen.  _ Bells started going off inside his head, and his breath accelerated. How he had managed to sit there for _ forty-five  _ minutes, just trying to get his shoes tied, was beyond his comprehension. He stuffed his laces into his shoes and shot up. He darted out of the door, and ran. 

He slowed down a little ways before he got to the door, panting and gasping. He didn’t want to worry Ludwig and Kiku. He took a deep breath, and wiped any sweat and any stray tears off of his face. He walked forwards and swung the door open.

“Hey guys! Sorry I’m late. I-I...” He paused for a moment. _Couldn’t get my stupid shoes tied._ “I woke up a little bit late, sorry about that.” He finished off, waving his hands at the pair. Kiku looked like he didn’t really believe him, but whatever he was thinking he kept it down. “No need to apologize. Though maybe you should get a new alarm clock, is it not working correctly?” Ludwig asked, a curious tone overtaking his voice. 

“No, it’s fine. I just forgot to set it.” Feliciano said sheepishly, and Ludwig nodded knowingly. With that, they got onto their tasks. Feliciano sauntered over to Ludwig and choked back his self-consciousness. 

“C-could you tie my shoe?” He asked, focusing on the tiles and not his embarrassment. 

“Ja.” Ludwig nodded, his smile soft. “I could teach you how to tie your shoes, if you want?” He offered, as he patted the empty space next to him. Feliciano nodded rapidly, he wanted desperately to know the secret to tying shoes. Ludwig went through the steps, something about bunnies and trees and loops. Feliciano tried to keep up, he really did. He nodded and acted like he understood, but in reality, everything was going in one ear and out the other. 

The voices in his head didn’t help either. He couldn’t concentrate, and for a short moment, all he could hear was Kiku’s snarling voice.  _ “You can’t even tie your own shoes!”.  _ He squeezed his eyes shut, tears starting to form in his eyes. He was trying, he really was. He desperately hung onto every word Ludwig was saying. It started becoming too much. Every noise he heard becoming unbearably loud, until they all started swirling together, none of it making any sense. 

He opened his eyes, and pushed his head up. The noises all seemed to flicker out, and Feliciano became aware that Ludwig was staring at him. The silence was unbearable and Feliciano was about to break it, opening his mouth to ask what was wrong, but suddenly a breath on his neck stopped him dead in his tracks and sent chills down his spine.  _ “This isn’t friendship, it’s pity.”  _ He broke. Ludwig was saying something, he saw words forming on his lips, but he couldn’t hear him. Everything was getting fuzzy, and water was slipping down his face. He wasn’t sure what to do, so he did the only thing he  _ knew  _ how to do. He got up and  _ he ran _ . 

“Feliciano?” Ludwig asked. The Italian in front of him sat, frozen. It seemed to Ludwig that he was having trouble focusing. It was almost like he was losing a fight inside his mind, his face contorting and flickering from one emotion to another. He had his eyes squeezed shut, and Ludwig shook his shoulder but it didn’t seem to affect him. He was starting to get worried. 

“Feli?” He said softly as if Feliciano was so delicate that he could be broken by Ludwig’s voice. His eyes shot open, and his head turned upwards slowly. Their eyes met, but Ludwig found himself being met with lifeless eyes. “Feliciano? You’re scaring me….” He whimpered, about to call for Kiku. Suddenly Feliciano’s eyes widened, and he shook lightly. He skin visibly paled, and in a matter of seconds, he was darting out of Ludwig’s reach. Ludwig got up and started rushing after him, but he was stopped in his tracks as a hand grabbed him by the arm. 

“Let him be.” A soft voice murmured. He turned to find Kiku staring at a random area in the pet shelter.

“What- Why?” He said loudly.

“He-he has done this before. It is not wise to go after him immediately.” He whispered, his eyes still trained on anything else but Ludwig. 

“Why the hell not?!” Ludwig shouted, and Kiku flinched. 

“Please, just trust me.” He begged, forcing his eyes to meet Ludwig’s gaze. Ludwig’s features softened as he met Kiku’s eyes. His eyes defied him, every part of them was screaming. Kiku did not want to let his friend run away like that, especially when he knew he was hurting so badly. But still, he knew that going after him immediately would be a much  _ bigger  _ mistake. He knew he needed space, some time to think. Feliciano had so many thoughts, and he was drowning in them. He needed someone to pull him out, but first, he needed to realize that he was still  _ only  _ in the shallow end. It wasn’t that he was in deep water, or that he couldn’t swim. It was his own fears and worries that made him forget he could still touch the bottom. All he needed to do was stand up. 


	6. being brave

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this is a short chapter, sorry :')

Feliciano ran, and all the colors blurred together. He wasn’t sure if it was because he was crying or if he was just going really fast. His thoughts were swarming, and pulsing through his body. It was way too much, he just wanted to get inside the comfort of his house and relax. He would probably write a little in his journal, his emotions were definitely getting out of hand today. He lightly gasped as he remembered that he had to go to therapy today. He probably still had a good few hours before it started, which reassured him. What reassured him even more was that he could see the sign to his street. He pat down his pockets, in search for his keys. He froze, screeching to a halt. 

He forgot his keys! His breathing started to escalate and he started up a fast walk. He sharply turned the corner to get to onto his street and as his apartment came into view he nearly tripped. He was sure that his heart would stop right then and there. The door to his apartment was wide open. He replayed the events of the morning over and over in his head again.  _ He forgot to lock the door! _ He ran wildly to his apartment, but skid to a stop when he got in front of it. He stood in horror, his heart hammering in his chest. He was so scared, scared out of his wits to be certain. He searched for his phone, and his heart dropped more than seemed humanly possible. He left it inside the house. 

He turned his head, and fought against himself for a moment. He wanted to go and run to Ludwig or Kiku. He wanted to get help, he didn’t want to go in at all, much less  _ alone _ !  _ Alone.  _ The word thrummed through him, and heard it being whispered in his ears.  _ “I’d be better if you’d leave me alone”  _ He covered his ears and squeezed his eyes shut. Why was he being such a chicken. What was he afraid of? A robber? A  _ murderer?  _ What were the chances? What were the odds? Slim to none, right? He nodded his head, his decision clear. He would show them! He could do something right for once! He could be brave too! At least  _ once _ in his pitiful life, he too could be brave. He left all his thoughts at the door, and walked inside.  

Feliciano walked through the door, he wasn’t sure what to expect. He was honestly feeling sick to his stomach. He turned his head, and stared outside of his front door. He could walk out right now, and run to Ludwig and Kiku. But he was tired of that. Tired of crying out for help, tired of always being in the way. He knew he was useless, just  _ stupid and annoying and useless _ ! Sure, the thought of someone else being in here with him right now made him feel sick, but nothing made him feel more sick than himself. He  _ could  _ call out for help, but not this time. He would do this all on his own,  _ he _ would be the tough one for once. 

He sucked in a deep breath and carelessly walked forward. Deep down Feliciano wasn’t scared at all, deep down he was was okay with finding someone else in here with him. Deep down he was  _ hoping _ ,  _ desperately hoping  _ that someone would stop the voices in his head. If that meant stopping Feliciano’s heart, then deep down he was okay with that. He didn’t think about any of that as he trooped on. 

“H-hello?” He stuttered. “Anyone there?” He kept walking, waiting for someone to reply. He walked up the stairs, his heart hammering in his chest. He slowly opened the door to Lovino’s room, to reveal nothing. Everything was in its natural order, and Feliciano let out a breath of ease. He felt a lot better, relief spreading through him and warming him. He left the room, and casually walked his own room. He cracked the door open, sweeping his eyes around the room. The coast was clear, and he swung the door open wider to get a better look. He took a few steps into the room, but before he could get far enough a heavy object connected with the back of his head. He let out a gasp and fell to the floor, his thoughts swarming and already starting to suffocate him. He turned onto his back, and he gazed up at the figure above him. He couldn’t make out any features, his vision blurring in and out. A few mumbled curses were all he heard before he passed out. 


	7. hospitals

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been sort of taking a break from this story? I love it and I know how I want to finish it, but I just haven't been too inspired. I'm not sure if anyone is enjoying this story, but if you want me to finish it please tell me. :D

It had been around an hour since Feliciano ran off. Kiku told Ludwig to go after him. Kiku wanted to come with him, but he promised his brother he would get off early to go visit him. Even so, Kiku made sure to let Ludwig know that he could call him if anything was wrong with Feliciano. They parted ways and Ludwig started his walk to Feliciano’s apartment. It was raining lightly, so Ludwig had an umbrella equipped.

As he started walking, he let his mind wander. He hadn’t known Feliciano for very long, but he felt like he’d known him for eons. Same with Kiku, he felt like he had known Kiku for a very long time. In truth he had only known the two for around five days. He was ready for all the adventures they would have in the future. He wondered where they would go, what places they would see. He had a feeling that they would be spending a while together, and he couldn’t be more content with it. 

It was then that he remembered how fraught Feliciano had been when Ludwig last saw him. He wondered why he had frozen up, and ran out. He looked scared, but Ludwig couldn’t wrap his head around why he would feel that way. He found himself quickening his pace. 

Ludwig saw the sign to Feliciano’s street and hurriedly turned the corner. His heart faltered when he saw the door to Feliciano’s apartment wide open. The rain wasn’t as light as it was when he started walking, and Ludwig found it hard to believe that Feliciano would purposely have the door open. At this point he was running. He got to the door of the apartment, his heart racing in his chest. He knocked on the door frame. 

“Feliciano? Lovino?” He called out, praying one of the two would answer. When he was met with silence he barged in. He wasn’t sure where to go first, so he spent a rapid minute searching. He cleared the first floor, and dashed upstairs. One door was already cracked open, and he walked up to it and slowly pushed it all the way open. His breath caught in his throat as he saw Feliciano laying on the ground. He pushed himself to his knees, and frantically checked for his pulse and to see if he was breathing. His pulse was there, but his breathing was very shallow. He slung out his phone, and dialed in 911.  

 

Feliciano woke up, his head thrumming. He groaned, rubbing his forehead. He pushed his eyes open, squinting. His vision was blurry but he knew _ that _ toxic white ceiling anywhere. He started feeling sick to his stomach, he hated this place. He had been here too many times before. Too many awful thoughts and feelings flowed through his head. He didn’t want all of those memories to start coming back so he propped himself up. 

“Feliciano?” He heard someone say lightly. He turned his head, and was met with a blurry blonde blob. 

“Ludwig?” He asked, blinking a few times. “Why am I in the hospital?” He inquired, as soon as the words left his mouth his eyes widened. “Oh god…. W-what did I do this time? Please don’t tell-” He cut himself off short, panic rising in his chest. He tried to recall the events that landed him in the corrupted white building. He squeezed the sheets in his fists, biting the inside of his lip to try and stop himself from crying. “I-I didn’t try anything... Did I?” He choked out, averting his eyes. Ludwig reached out to grab Feliciano’s hand to comfort him, but Feliciano flinched away. “I’m sorry!” The cowering Italian screamed. “I-I’m so sorry….” He sniffled. Ludwig looked at him mournfully, had he thought he hurt himself? Ludwig shook his head and didn’t waste another second to question Feliciano’s assumptions. 

“Feli…” He said softly. “You didn’t do anything. It was a robbery attempt.” He whispered, this time successfully grabbing the smaller man’s hand. 

“Oh….” Was all that was said afterwards. For a moment Feliciano seemed distant, and lost in thought, as if he was replaying some memories he didn’t exactly want to remember, but suddenly it seemed like a light bulb went off. “Is Lovino okay?!” He yelped, his grip on Ludwig’s hand tightening. 

“He’s on his way, but he won’t be here for at least three more hours.” Feliciano nodded, and loosened his grip on Ludwig’s hand. 

“Kiku? Does he know what happened?” He asked, even though he, himself, had no idea what happened. 

“Kiku went to get food.” Ludwig said, laughing sweetly. It was obvious that Kiku cared a lot about Feliciano. As if on command the door swayed open, and through came Kiku.

“I brought the foo-” He said softly, cutting himself abruptly as he looked up. “Feli?!” He choked out, almost dropping the food he was carrying. He walked briskly over to the side table and set the food down. Feliciano quickly found himself being cocooned in Kiku’s warm embrace. Feliciano had known Kiku for a while, and he knew that it was a rare sight to see the Japanese man break down, but there he was shaking and sobbing in Feliciano’s arms. “Y-you scared me.” He hiccuped, clutching the cloth from the back of Feliciano’s shirt in his fits. “Don’t do th-that again!” He cried, his voice trembling. Feliciano just smiled softly. 

“Hello to you too, Keeks.” He murmured. Ludwig just sat by, idly, waiting for the two’s sweet reunion to finish. They parted and Kiku wiped his eyes clean of stray tears.

“Food anyone?” He asked, his voice still shaking. The other two nodded in hungry agreement. 

The three started on their meals, making occasional small talk. A small wave of silence washed over them, but Ludwig broke it quickly.

“Do you remember how you got in here?” Ludwig asked, not actually knowing what happened before he arrived. Feliciano squirmed a little, he had regained most of what had happened. 

“I-I do…” He whispered, trailing off. Kiku and Ludwig’s eyes bore into him, urging him to proceed. “I guess I just wasn’t thinking clearly.” He said, laughing nervously. 

“What do you mean… What did you do?” Kiku intercepted, his voice cautious. 

“T-the door was open, and I just didn’t think… I just thought… I don’t know, maybe, I guess I thought..” He said, struggling to admit his stupidity. 

“Just say it Feli. We won’t get mad.” Ludwig eased. Feliciano took a deep breath. “Well, when I freaked out and ran home, my apartment door was open… I didn’t think that someone would actually  _ be _ in there. I just thought if I went in, and I wasn’t such a stupid cowered,” He took a deep breath in. “I just, I just wanted to prove that I could be brave too.” He sniffled, staring at his hands. 

“Don’t be so stupid!” The japanese man scolded lightly, wanting to be mad, but not finding it in himself. “You  _ are _ brave!” He said, grabbing Feliciano’s hands. Feliciano let his gaze float upwards, and he locked eyes with the shorter man. “Braveness isn’t always about barging head on into danger. Sometimes bravery is admitting that you can’t do everything on your own... Feliciano, not everything is your fault, and you know it. Right now you’ve got to accept the fact that you can’t take the blame for everything.” Kiku finished, his voice desperate.

“I- I know that-” Feliciano started, but was cut off by Kiku. 

“No, you don’t. You still blame yourself. At some point you’ve got to let go, Feli. When will you remember that you can’t change the past. Please let someone else carry the burden of your memories, and stop trying to carry it all on your own.” He begged, his voice breaking near the end. He  _ knew _ about that boy that haunted Feliciano, he had spent many late nights comforting him.  Feliciano burst out into tears, and pushed himself into Kiku’s arms.

“I-I’m trying! I swear I’m trying.  _ They  _ won’t let me!  _ They’re  _ too loud, a-and I try to stop listening, but I can’t!  _ They  _ won’t let me forget.” He wailed. 

“I know. But you’ve got to let him go, Feli.” Kiku whispered sadly, caressing the back of Feliciano’s head. He pushed Feliciano from his embrace. “Now, stop your crying, Ludwig’s probably confused.” He scolded, wiping the tears from Feliciano’s eyes. 

“You’re crying too, Kiku.” Ludwig stated, though Kiku was right, he was confused. Feliciano reached up and rubbed away the tears from Kiku’s eyes. His eyes started drooping, and a short yawn escaped from his lips. “Get some rest, Feli.” Ludwig commanded, and Feliciano didn’t argue. He snuggled into the covers, finding a good position to lay his still throbbing head. Kiku and Ludwig both got up, ready to give Feliciano some quiet time to rest. 

“Wait!” Felciano shouted suddenly. “I-I…. could you both stay?” He asked quietly. “At least until I fall asleep…” He pleaded, and the two’s gazes softened, the pair sitting back down. 

Lovino barged through the door.

“Feliciano the fu-” He yelled, but he shut himself up as his eyes landed on the small hospital bed. Feliciano and Kiku lie on the the small bed, Feliciano snoring lightly. Ludwig sat on a chair beside the bed, his head on top of his folded arms. Kiku and Ludwig started to stir from the commotion, but Feliciano stayed snoring as if no noise had been made in the first place. 

“Fuck I’m sorry.” Lovino apologize, but his tone immediately changed when he remembered why he was here. “What the fuck did he do this time?! The fuck did he do?!” He said, repeating himself. He was angry, and confused, and sad, and he wanted answers. Kiku shot up and scurried over to Lovino. 

“He’s fine, he didn’t do anything this time…” He eased, trying to stop the man from yelling anymore and waking up Feliciano. Though Kiku’s attempts turned out fruitless as Feliciano fluttered his eyes open. He sat up slowly, rubbing his eyes and letting out a noise of complaint. 

“Ke-” He got cut off by his own yawn. “Keeks?” He finished, turning his head towards the noise. His eyes met Lovino’s, and he instantly tried to get up and hug him. He was successful at getting up but regretted it seconds after. His head spun, and he plopped himself back down on the bed, holding his head with his hands. Lovino scooped him up in a hug, squeezing him tightly. 

“How the fuck did you end up in the hospital this time?!” He scolded, pulling away to look Feliciano in the eyes. Feliciano just looked away, feeling ashamed. “Oh, you know, just a robbery…” He whispered, hoping to leave it at that. That was obviously not good enough for Lovino.

“And?” He pried. 

“And… the door was open and I didn’t think anyone would actually be in there. And I was going to call someone, but I didn’t have my phone. And then I was gonna go back and get Ludwig and Kiku, but I didn’t want anyone to get hurt, and-” He cut his babbling off short, feeling as though he had said too much. It got silent, and Feliciano squeezed his eyes shut in wait for Lovino’s ranting. Lovino didn’t yell though, he just laid his head on Feliciano’s shoulder. 

“Feliciano…. You idiot.” He sighed. “Learn to put yourself first, sometimes, okay. Promise me?” He begged, Feliciano pushed his eyes open, but upon seeing Lovino’s worried expression he closed them again. He took a deep breath, opened his eyes, and met Lovino’s concerned gaze.

“I promise, I’m sorry, and I promise to stop doing stupid things and ending up in this stupid place. I promise I’ll do better next time. This is the last time we’ll come back here because of me, okay. I won’t-” He trailed off when he saw tears forming in Lovino’s eyes. He furrowed his eyebrows, and stuck out his pinky. “I promise you, Lovi, I will  _ never ever _ try  _ that  _ again. I’m not leaving you anytime soon.  _ At least it won’t be by my own doing _ .” He soothed, but he whispered the last part to where it was barely audible. They locked pinky’s. 

“Good.” Lovino said strictly. 

“I’m sorry if you thought… If you thought that I…” He didn’t need to finish his sentence, they both knew what he was trying to say. Lovino just pulled his brother into another embrace. Kiku cleared his throat. 

“I hate to break up this nice moment, but the bento lunch special at the place down the street only runs through twelve-thirty.” He informed, locking eyes with Feliciano and grinning. Feliciano’s eyes lit up upon hearing the words. 

“Bento!” He exclaimed, but after he processed everything his face twisted into a confused expression. “Wait, what time is it? And will they even let me out of the hospital?” Feliciano asked, and Kiku was prepared for his questions. 

“It’s eleven-forty two on Saturday, and yes. The doctor said you were fine and that you could leave as soon as you woke up. Though he did say to refrain from getting up fast, and that you should take it easy for the next few days and get a lot of rest.” Kiku finished, and Feliciano was ecstatic.

“Yay! Bento!” He shouted happily, lifting his arms up in the air like he was on a roller coaster. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> make sure to leave me a comment or some feedback. :)  
> I hope you guys are enjoying the story so far.


	8. cliché

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is just as it says. really cliché... I'll just apologize in advanc

Feliciano woke up from his slumber. It had been five days since the robbery incident, and during four of those days, Feliciano had stayed home. Kiku and Ludwig took turns checking in on him when Lovino couldn’t be there. Usually at least one of the three were with him. They watched movies and lounged around because Feliciano really just needed to rest. Feliciano did break the rules though and went on a short run whilst he was alone.

He had a nice time resting, but he knew eventually he had to go back to work at the pet shelter. It was Wednesday, and Feliciano felt it about time he went back. He had rested long enough and was feeling good enough to go, so he did. The walk to the shelter was nice and short, though he did stop to pick a stray dandelion that had grown whilst he was on his break. He swung the door to the pet shelter open and was greeted with happy chatter, and people telling him they were glad that he was okay. He giggled happily and immediately waltzed over to Kiku and Ludwig to engulf them in a huge hug. Their friendship had grown so much during the last five days and Feliciano couldn’t feel more bliss as they just stood there, cradled in each other’s arms. Ludwig was the first to break the hug.

“You know, we should go out to celebrate this afternoon.” Ludwig proposed, flashing one of his rare smiles.

“Yeah!” Feliciano exclaimed, laughing as he scooped the two back up into another hug.

“I wish I could, but I promised my brother I would visit him today.” Kiku explained, flashing the duo an apologetic look.

“Oh.. alright. Send Yao my best regards!” Feliciano chirped, trying not to let his disappointment seep into his voice. Kiku nodded.

“I will let him know you said hello, Feli.” Kiku said and the trio went to work.

 

-

 

Their work day was finally coming to a close, and the three said their goodbyes.

“Bye, Keeks!~” Feliciano all but sang.

“Goodbye, Feliciano. Bye, Ludwig.” Kiku said, and walked out the door. He got into his car, taking in a deep breath. He started the car and headed on his way to see his brother.

It was about 8:00 when Kiku pulled up to see his brother. He realized he was running late and ran to get some extra flowers, but he didn’t plan on being _this_ late. He walked up to his brother and kneeled down.

“Sorry I’m late.” He apologized, sitting the flowers down and following in suit. He was almost hoping to hear his brother scold him, just like how he used to. But sadly Kiku knew that the dead couldn’t talk. Even so, Kiku spilled out his thoughts and talked fondly about his two friends.

He was about to leave but he stopped abruptly. “Feliciano ends his best regards,” He relayed, his back still facing his brother’s grave. “And…. if you can actually hear me, could you tell Gabriel that Feliciano misses him dearly.” He asked.

 

-

 

Feliciano and Ludwig watched as Kiku got into his car and drove off.

“Where do you wanna go?” Feliciano asked hopefully.

“Huh? Well, I guess we could go get something to eat.” Ludwig stated, looking over towards Feliciano for his opinion.

“Yeah.” He said, but then his eyes lit up. “We could even go to the park and sit down, and make flowers crowns and stuff!” He exclaimed. Ludwig just chuckled in response. “What’s so funny?” Feliciano asked, scrunching his eyebrows and tilting his head slightly like a dog. He tried to act serious, but he just ended up laughing along with Ludwig.

“We can get my car from my house.” Ludwig said as they started on their trek to Ludwig’s house.

“So, you live with your brother, Gilbert?” Feliciano asked. Ludwig looked over at Feliciano alarmed.

“How do you know my brother’s name?” He inquired.

“Oh, my brother and I are good friends with someone who he is very good friends with. If that made sense? We’re friends with Antonio.” He eased, and Ludwig just nodded his head. “So, you live with just your brother? Where do your parents live?” Feliciano asked, in hopes to get to know the German better. Ludwig tilted his head slightly away from Feliciano, and he could already tell it was a mistake to ask.

“I never met my parents, Gilbert raised me all on his own.” Ludwig mumbled.

“I never really met my parents either…,” Feliciano admitted. “Well I did, but I don’t remember. Only my brother remembers them. I remember how upset he got at me when I explained to him that I couldn’t remember them.” Feliciano chuckled sadly.

“Where’d you two go?” Ludwig asked, curiously. “Wait, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t ask things like that.” He added, apologetically.

“No, it’s fine... They separated us. I went with my grandpa and my brother went with Antonio. Though my grandpa was hospitalized a few years later, and I had to go live with another family until he got better. He never got better though, he just got worse and worse and worse.” Feliciano muttered, squeezing his fists tightly. Ludwig just kept quiet, he was never good with comforting people. “I hate hospitals.” Feliciano whispered bitterly.

“I- we’re here.” Ludwig said, hoping to distract the smaller man. Feliciano’s eyes lit up instantly.

“Can I meet Gilbert?!” He asked excitedly.

“No, he’s not here,” Ludwig chuckled, as a small “awe man” could be heard from Feliciano. “But you can meet my dogs?” As soon as the words came out of Ludwig’s mouth Feliciano cheered. They entered the house and were immediately met with three hyper dogs. Feliciano was almost toppled over by the three dogs.

“H-hey calm down, puppies.” He exclaimed between giggles. Ludwig let out a loud whistle and swung his hand out. The three dogs took no time going and laying down, tails still wagging. “What are their names?” Feliciano asked fondly.

“Blackie, Aster, and Berlitz.” He clarified, pointing to each dog as he said their name. The two played with the dogs a little and headed out. After a few minutes of driving, they arrived at a small fast food place and got their food to go.

“To the park?” Feliciano asked.

“To the park.” Ludwig confirmed.

They reached the park and sat down on a small park bench. It was close to seven and the sun was dipping into the horizon, creating a perfect sunset. The sky was illuminated with soft pinks and blues and yellows. Feliciano’s eyes lit up as he took in the scenery.

“Ludwig!” He gawked, his eyes twinkling. “Look! It’s so pretty, isn’t it?!”

“Just beautiful.” He murmured fondly, his eyes trained on Feliciano.

 

-

 

A few days had passed since Ludwig and Feliciano hung out. It was 3:38 on a Friday afternoon and Feliciano was watching rain slide down the windows of the therapist office. He wasting away time, tapping his feet and getting lost in the sound of the rain pitter-pattering.

“Vargas? Feliciano Vargas?” A voice called out, startling him from his trance. He stood up.

“Ciao.~” He hummed and allowed the lady to lead him to his therapist’s office, even though he knew the way like the back of his hand. She opened the door for him and the familiar voice of his therapist rang out.

“Feliciano!” She nearly sang. “How have you been? I heard about last week.”

“I’m great!” He exclaimed, taking a seat.

“That’s the spirit. Now, what has made your day so great?” She asked, sending him a quizzical look as she got out her pen and pad of paper.

“I met someone new. A new friend!”

“A new friend? Well do tell, what does this friend mean to you?”

Feliciano had to stop and think for a minute. What did Ludwig mean to him? It all dawned on him. "He is security. An anchor to keep me from drifting away.” He said abruptly, but once the words started coming out of his mouth they wouldn't stop. “And Kiku. Kiku keeps me afloat, he keeps me from drowning. I’ve only known Ludwig for a few weeks, and I’ve known Kiku for a few years. But it seems like the three of us have been together for an eternity. It’s like…” He stopped, and his gaze softened. “It’s like I’ve been living without color my whole life, but I think I’ve finally found it.”

She smiled at him lightly. “It seems like you care a lot about them both. But what if they had to leave you? What would you do without them?” She asked

“Without them?” He repeated and he looked at his shoes. “Without them, my world doesn’t turn.”


	9. subtle

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait? I've been working on other things, and I've been putting off working on this for a while because I kind of want to rewrite this fic, but I'm too lazy to. guess I'll perish :')
> 
> Also, I feel that this chapter is sort of rushed and poorly written? It's also super random? I've let you all down, I apologize :')))

A loud beeping went off and Kiku recalled that it was Sunday as he shuffled out of bed. His feet hit the floor lightly and he stood there for a moment to stretch out. Today was planned to be an all day outing with his two best friends, Feliciano and Ludwig. It was said to be a celebration, supposedly for Feliciano’s quick recovery, but Kiku sensed that it meant something else to all three of them.  

Kiku opened his closet to get an outfit for the day ahead. He looked fondly at a small basket in the corner of his closet. It was Feliciano’s ‘emergency stash’ of clothes, and it seemed to almost be a symbol of friendship between the two. Since the two had known each other for so long, and Feli was prone to leave clothes at Kiku’s anyways, they decided to keep some extra clothes at each other’s houses. For a moment he wondered if, someday, Ludwig would have his own basket in Kiku’s house.

 

-

 

Kiku arrived at Feliciano’s house to pick up the exuberant Italian. There he stood on his front steps, eyes to the sky, a thin smile taped to his face, and no cares in the world. He snapped out of his daze when he heard Kiku’s car door open and shut. 

“Keeks!” He yelled, laughter bubbling from him. He ran towards Kiku and wrapped his arms around the others neck, securing a chaste kiss to Kiku’s cheek. “This is gonna be so much fun!” He squealed, the thin pink blush on the others face yet again going unnoticed. 

“I must admit, I am excited as well.” He acknowledged as he opened the car door for Feliciano. 

“Thanks.” He chirped.

The drive to Ludwig’s house was short seeing as Feliciano lived rather close by. Ludwig was walking out of the door right on time, a small smile plastered to his face, his hand waving to the two without a thought. 

“Hey, Ludwig!” The hyper Italian exclaimed, swinging the door open and hopping out to give the blonde a boisterous hug. The tall man gave him a small squeeze in retaliation. Feliciano led Ludwig back to the car, blubbering about all of the activities he wanted to do during their time out. Even as he got into the car and they started heading off, the energetic man was still going on and on about the best ice cream places and how he hoped the restaurant they were going to had pasta. After a while he calmed down a bit and they turned the radio on, Feliciano singing a bit when a song that he liked came on. 

The three arrived at a small shopping plaza, because, admittedly, the only sturdily planned activities for today were a restaurant they had reserved seats for and a movie marathon at Kiku’s house.

“Ice cream?” Feliciano turned around and looked at the other two, but before they could respond he turned back around. “Ice cream!” He pumped his fists in the air. Ludwig just rolled his eyes and bit back a smile. 

 

-

 

They did end up getting ice cream, I mean how could Kiku or Ludwig say no to Feliciano? It took them a while to actually finish eating their ice cream, through the talking and all. By the time they were through, it was almost time to head to the restaurant they had reserved a few days prior. 

Feliciano felt eyes on him, but he didn’t really pay it much mind. It wasn’t the first time that people had given him weird looks for wearing a skirt. Luckily this time he had Ludwig and Kiku to glare right back. Kiku stepped up to the person at the counter.

“Kiku Honda, reservations for three.” He said, and patiently watched the man flip through his handbook. 

“Mhm, right this way, sir.” The man gestured to a waiter who led them to their seats. “What would you all like to drink tonight?” 

Ludwig got a beer, but Kiku just got a glass of water. The waiter sent an impatient look to Feliciano, as he waited for him to flip through the menu and find what he wanted to drink. 

“I’ll have a cup of Dolcetto.” He chirped, and happily pointed to the items on the menu. The waiter sent him an ugly glance. 

“Wine is a woman’s drink.” He spat. Feliciano furrowed his eyebrows, the smile dropping from his face. Ludwig scowled, and was about to speak up but Kiku beat him to it. 

“I’m sorry, sir, but I don’t think he asked you. Your job isn’t to critique our choices, it’s to take our orders and keep your mouth shut.” Kiku growled. The man huffed and stormed away.

The next time around a waitress came in place of the man they saw before, they placed their orders. 

“How’s your brother doing, Feli?” Kiku asked, trying to start up a conversation. Feliciano hummed quietly.

“He’s doing fine, still as worried as ever. He almost wouldn’t let me leave to come with you guys!” Feliciano laughed. “Funny, he always reminded me of Elizabeta. The same fiery look in their eyes. Same sailor mouth too!” 

“Elizabeta?” Ludwig probed. Kiku shook his head at Ludwig a little.

“She’s the lady I stayed with after my grandpa got hospitalized. Her, Roderich, and-” He didn’t even want to say his name, not after he was finally starting to get his mind off of him. “Gabriel.” He shrugged. 

“What happened to them?” Ludwig decided to ask further. Kiku was looking at him like he was an idiot. 

“Well, Gabriel died long ago. But I was never too sure what happened to Elizabeta or Roderich.” Luckily the food arrived and stopped the conversation from going any further.

 

-

 

They were all full and getting tired, but the night couldn’t just end there so they drove to Kiku’s house. The three arrived, fully prepared to walk around the park right by Kiku’s house. The sun was setting, and the three enjoyed the silence around them as they walked. 

“What movies are we gonna watch when we go inside?” Ludwig piped up, breaking the silence.

“I heard that  Mama Mia! Was good.” Kiku said.

“Yes!” Feliciano shouted blatantly. “I’ve been meaning to watch that movie for forever!”

“Woooo! Mama mia!” Feliciano chirped, it was a mix between yelling and singing. He started to dance, well he tried to dance. It kind of just looked like he was having a seizure. Ludwig considered asking him if he was okay, but he saw how that could come off incredibly rude. He heard a muffled noise from beside him so he looked over. Kiku was covering his mouth with his hand, his eyes screwed shut, trying his hardest to keep his laughter quiet. Ludwig chuckled. 

“Hey, what are you guys laughing at?” Feliciano whipped around, a stupid grin plastered on his face. 

“Nothing, Feliciano.” Kiku choked, still laughing slightly. 

“Whatever you say, Keeks.” Feliciano joked, sending an almost quizzical look to the two. He turned back around and sort of skipped off a little. Kiku just breathed out a small laugh, subtly looping his arm around Ludwig’s. He wasn’t sure what had led him to do such a thing, he had just gotten so used to linking arms with Feli, that he couldn’t see why he shouldn’t do the same with Ludwig. The German chose to ignore the light blush dusting his face as he walked, arms linked, with Kiku.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm a sucker for Mamma Mia! please excuse my effervescent mentioning of it. Also, please excuse this rubbish excuse of a chapter

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos and comments really help! :3  
> Please tell me if you want me to continue this, I'm not sure if I'm going to finish it?


End file.
